I once wanted a manual on how to deal with grief because I was falling apart two years ago, but despite my experience, I'm no better equipped to deal with this than I was then and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all. Some of my classmates and college mates passed away and I'm trying to make sense of it all. As I'm writing this, I'm hitting the backspace key on my keyboard because nothing really captures it-- the memories that are flooding back, how I once said hi as he stood by the water fountain and I was walking to my friend's room and how I briefly saw the other guy as I walked into class.

It's strange how everything hit the news so fast, even to me, a person whose extracurriculars revolve around the news, and how nothing the news really says-- the cold hard facts, will really capture who these people were. For many, it'll just be another tragic story but for my college community, it's personal. I had lived in the same dorm and we had mutual friends. Although our interactions were brief, a hi here and there when we ran into each other, whether it was in dorm or on campus, it was given that I would be seeing him when we came back this year. I had seen him the earlier in the day when he passed away. He was sitting with my friend in both of my classes. I never knew the other men, as the news likes to call them, but I did see them in passing a couple times. It's weird to see them called adults because to all of us, we're still young and childhood was only a couple years ago.

It's surreal to see their faces on the news.

It's still hard to wrap my head around the idea that they're gone.


Two years ago, I fell in love with writing-- the whole therapeutic aspect of it all and it helped me deal with a lot of things that were happening. And as always, I'm turning back again to the same unfinished work-in-process to make sense of everything that's happened in my life

Momento mori. Yesterday, my biology professor said that we are at the prime of our lives and by graduation, we'd be physically going down hill. We laughed, because we're (almost) invincible, or so we think. Death isn't for us. We're young and we have everything in front of us.  As I turned around, I saw a flashes of faces go by-- people I've lived with, people I've seen around and it's weird how hours later, I'm never going to see them again. 
I know now that we never get over great losses; we absorb them, and they carve us into different, often kinder, creatures...We tell the story to get them back, to capture the traces of footfalls through the snow.”-- Gail Caldwell, Let's Take the Long Way Home
We are made up of the stories, the memories and the people that we know, however cursory. My condolences go out to the families, friends and fellow community.

I'll be posting sporadically in the coming weeks and I hope you'll still be along for the ride.

© Crazy Red Pen
Maira Gall