I've always been to a degree anxious throughout my life and recently it's gotten worse. I don't hate it but it's gotten to a point where it's affecting me too much. Most of the time, I use anxiety as a tool to motivate me, to do better at school, blogging and the other things that I work on but sometimes, anxiety stresses me out. I haven't been sleeping well lately either and it just makes things worse.
I feel like this goes hand in hand with anxiety but I've always been hard on myself and I've always pushed myself to do better. I lose myself in whatever I'm doing and sometimes I feel like I'm doing it to numb a feeling but honestly, it feel good to just focus on something and let go of the rest. Right now, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm trying to numb-- the feelings of insecurity, a nagging problem, and other issues.
In high school, I was really insecure partially because the people I went to high school with were really hard-core and it always seemed like they had 28 hours in their days and partially because I feel like to a degree, insecurity comes with being a teenager. Now that I've moved past that part of my life, I feel like I should be less insecure but I'm not. Sure, I'm less insecure about the way I look (it's hard to look good when it's perpetually freezing cold and snowy outside) but in many ways, I'm still insecure about the same things-- academics (why do I know so many people taking 21 credits with a huge extracurricular load?), my life, and the future. I wish I was better at blogging, I wish that black heads aren't a problem. The list goes on.
It was worse around 2 to 5 years ago, I think. Somewhere along the way, I found things to like, love, be passionately obsessed with and friends to have fun with, but sometimes, in the randomest times, in between the moments when I'm sure of myself, it strikes back again. I find myself spiraling downwards, back in the rabbit-hole of darkness, of quietness. It scares me but I think it's not nearly as bad as it was back then. I have my friends to thank for, the people I've known and the experiences I've had.
I'm a perfectionist. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay if there are flaws here and there. -Tyra BanksNaps
I've been thinking about this for a while but naps honestly make me feel better. You wake up more refreshed and a clearer head. I think it's really hard for me to do this because I'm always like, "I could do XYZ if I weren't sleeping" but it's necessary. We all have to rest and reset ourselves sometime.
I think a lot of it comes from the fact I like to avoid things rather than facing them head on but recently, it's feels so much better to confront things. I was talking to one of my friends about a guy problem that I was having and she was like, "Just go talk to him about it! At least you'll have closure." Sometimes, it's easier to believe that things will go away and that you'll feel better eventually, but actually acting on things like that, is so much harder.
Also, working at the roots of my anxiety, easing it, not just feeling like, "Oh I'm anxious so I'll go work hard and wait for it to go away" has helped, too.
Does any of this sound familiar? What do you do if you're anxious or a perfectionist?