Another girl series post. It's related to the story that I wrote earlier this year. *laughs*
The girl remembered the times when she spent ages thinking about the boy, what was lost. Those were the times of the past and never to go back.
Because it was in the past, the girl would write one last letter. One last one, for real this time.
When I saw you all those days ago, I thought, “What had gone wrong between us to let it become like this?” It seemed like we were merely acquaintances, strangers even, not the friends we used to be. I had wondered because I cared. I wondered because we were once friends and now we’re not.
It hit me when I saw you again in the hallways and nothing passed through my mind. Nothing. It was a blank sheet. You were just another person, another face in the hordes of people passing through the hallway.
We’re different people now, you and me. We used to be similar, once upon a time. Remember what I said then? “Similar but different.”
Now, we are more different than we are similar. You with your carefree laughs, that to me, who once knew you so well, seem forced. Me, with my quiet voice, unsure of myself. We are different people and while I can’t say to what caused us to be merely acquaintances, I know now for sure that my hopes were in vain. We are two drastically different people. You’re outgoing and I’m still the quiet girl I was back then.
If I was more idealistic or naïve, I’d think that all the differences would be okay. It’d work out. No. I’m not anymore idealistic than I was back then. Opposites may attract in science, but in the long run, it never works out. We were once similar but not anymore.
I want to cry at the changes that have beset us, the changes that make us totally unrecognizable in the mirror. Who would believe that we were once friends?
But like I promised myself, I’d purge myself of all the bad memories. I did. I have better memories of us, of myself. I have new memories.
Maybe you’ll say with your keen literature skills that I’m obviously not letting go. I had let go. I let go a long time ago, but like a hard math problem, it kept badgering me. I found no solution so I let go. However, I saw you again, in the hallway, and felt an odd sense of déjà vu.
I can’t control that sense. It hit me then, like the hiding answer of a long and difficult equation, that we were totally different. Barely recognizable from the people we used to be. We have changed. The world has changed. Everything moved forward.
I had said back then, that I won’t trace the lines of memory, backwards and forwards. I didn’t. But now that I’ve finally found the answer, I’m finally, truly, letting go. Maybe that’ll remind you of Kazuo Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go. No, I’m letting go.
For an archive of the girl series post, you can go here. New girl series posts are released every Friday on this blog.