Another girl series post!
Everything happens for a reason, the girl thought. That phrase was deeply ingrained in her mind. Was there a higher being controlling everything? Was there an unknown force somewhere?
If everything happened for a reason, why did she feel so lost and confused, even when she knew she was trying her hardest? It wasn’t that she was saying that because she didn’t want to try to push herself. She was pushing herself, to extend her limit, to exercise herself, to try and overcome this obstacle. She couldn’t. What was the reason behind that? To make herself want to push herself further next time?
The girl wanted to overcome this obstacle now. She did not want to think of the future, of the deep, crazy unknown because she was living now. She was living now, not in the future, and that’s why she wanted to understand, to overcome this invisible barrier. Maybe the girl would look back on this in the future and think, “I worked so hard to overcome that obstacle. I’m proud of myself!” The girl acknowledged that possibility, but it was, after all, in the future. She was living now and she wanted, no, desperately needed to get over this obstacle.
She was on the verge of crying, at something she didn’t even know. She didn’t even know what it was tangibly, or what exactly she was sad about. She felt the immense suffocation, the need to breath, the need for more oxygen. She breathed, like the way she had always breathed. In. Out. The stifling sensation increased. The air was perfectly fine, the girl knew. No one had released some noxious gases into the air. It was herself. It was always herself
Everything happens for a reason. What was this for? Was it to teach her a lesson in the future so she’d always work harder? She wanted to know, now. She wanted to know before she went insane of wanting to know. Was that even possible?
If she really did go insane at wanting to exceed this unknown, what would be the reason behind insanity? The consequences of not overcoming the obstacle? Insanity. Sanity. There was only a thin line between the two, and even that line was invisible. If she fell over this invisible line, would the invisible become visible? Would she be driven by the visible to stay insane? Insanity. Sanity. It’s all a spectrum. Perhaps the girl was a little bit insane already.
Everything happens for a reason. There was a reason behind breathing, to live. There’s a reason behind the girl’s existence. Whatever it was, it was unknown. That reason was invisible, as invisible as the girl’s dance against the unknown obstacle, as invisible as the brief consideration of insanity. There was a reason behind the trees outside the girl’s window swaying- the wind was blowing.
If fifty percent of the girl’s world was unknown and the other fifty percent, known, then maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. Fifty percent wasn’t so bad. Heck, fifty percent was pretty good. There was always a good and a bad.
If there was a reason behind everything, the girl didn’t need to know every reason. If anything came out of this, the girl would try once more.
Everything happens for a reason. Maybe. Possibly.
But like the stars in the sky, the girl didn't need to know every reason, just the important ones.
For an archive of the girl series posts, you can go here. A new girl series post is released every Friday.